Well, today is opening night in the NHL. Only problem is, well, two excessively greedy sides are embroiled in a battle to split an unseemly amount of money somehow earned by a deeply flawed sport that sucks at the teat of the Canadian fan. I feel so dirty and used. This must be what it’s like to date me.

At least there’s playoff baseball. Another quadruple header today, after two walk-off wins last night, including the coronation of Raul Ibanez, who now has his name next to Bucky Dent and will never have to buy a beer in New York again.

There’s some good news, kinda. The beautiful city of Montreal will rename a street rue Gary Carter, though unfortunately we hear that a few blocks in it disappointingly splits into rue Hubie Brooks, rue Mike Fitzgerald, rue Herm Winningham, and rue Floyd Youmans.

• PLAY(S) OF THE WEEK

With the MLB playoffs in full gear, here’s a few plays of the week…

• HOW TO PROTEST THE LOCKOUT ON THE NHL’S OPENING NIGHT

The good folks over at Puck Daddy list ways to protest the (absence of) the NHL’s opening night. [Puck Daddy]

• HOW IT FEELS TO RUN 98 YARDS

“Nick Chubb, one of Georgia’s top high school running backs, is younger than you, but he has already felt something most of us never will.” [The Classical]

• BIEBER CRIMES

Justin Bieber fans deface a memorial to former NHLer, the late Rick Rypien. Huh? [Deadspin]

• IN THE MATRIX

Matrix magazine, former home of Barn editors Mike Spry and Ian Orti, now have an online supplement. Check it out on their site. [Matrix]

• RUE GARY CARTER

Montreal Expos legend, and MLB Hall of Famer, gets a street and a stadium named after him in Montreal. [Radio-Canada]

• MR. GORDON, A COSMO PLEASE

Barnstormer wrestling contributor Spencer Gordon talks to Open Book Toronto about his new book, Cosmo (Coach House Books). [Open Book Toronto]

• LANCE ARMSTRONG, LIVESTRONG, AND BS

How much of a dick is Lance Armstrong? Only a small fraction of Livestrong money goes to scientific research. [Outside]

• TWITTERER TWEET OF THE WEEK

https://twitter.com/mdspry/status/256256746404847616

• TOP 5 BEST SEARCH TERMS FROM LAST WEEK USED TO FIND THE BARNSTORMER:

1. “arpon humping”
2. “footballer locked out of room defecated”
3. “metal crowd”
4. “lady wrestlers against the ropes, photos”
5. “can do demis off the fan”

•  SONG OF THE WEEK