The Barnstormer has secured the cooperation of a locked-out NHL player who has agreed to document each day he is kept out of action on the condition that we do not reveal his identity. Ever. Read all the daily diary entries of “Cheap Throat” here.

8:55AM – Early morning flight to Vegas. The first class stewardess — wait, flight attendant, that’s the right term now, right? — her name is Inez. I think I may be in love with her even though she’s not what you might call beautiful, not by any stretch of the imagination. I may be in love with her because she is not beautiful. She just gives off… something, you know? Like if this Airbus were to suddenly become a flaming wreck falling from the sky, hers is the warm bosom to which I would most want to be clutched.

This lockout has to end.

3:06PM – Checked in at the Grand now, after that mess at the airport that I don’t even want to talk about. Security guards in Vegas? Totally not hockey fans. Don’t even bother telling them who you are, if you’re a hockey player. They don’t care.

7:17PM – Steak and pasta and tequila shots: let’s do this.

8:49PM – This was unexpected: I’m totally bummed. I’m completely ready to go bar down on this insane weekend and all I can think about is the leaves changing at home and a turkey dinner on the table and helping dad chop and stack a cord of wood.

Fuck.

I will drink my way out of this hole.

11:57PM – Bottle service. Bring two, I say to the girl. She’s like why not three? I’m like let’s do it.

2:06AM –  Ufarmniomneeeeeeeeeeee

Further Reading:

• “Cheap Throat: The Diary of a Locked-Out NHLer“. Read all the other entries here.
• “Complicit in the NHL’s Demise: How the NHL & its players hate hockey, and how the fan is at fault” by Mike Spry
• The Barnstormer’s Take Hockey Back fan protest event