The Barnstormer has secured the cooperation of a locked-out NHL player who has agreed to document each day he is kept out of action on the condition that we do not reveal his identity. Ever. Read all the daily diary entries of “Cheap Throat” here.

2:00PM – In hospital. Stomach pumped, fluids administered, quick face-to-face with a doctor to “assess” my “emotional well-being.” I guess there was some concern that when I tried to drink my face off I was actually trying to drink myself to death. Whatever. For big regrets you need a big eraser.

3:30PM – There is a nurse here and I’m actually pretty sure she’s an angel. Her name tag says Esmerelda. Her eyes are as green as astroturf. She lay her hand on my forehead and with her other hand it was like she reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. Then she checked my IV bag and the needle in the back of my hand and I’m pretty sure that when she said “We’ll get you fixed up and out of here quick” she meant “I love you, mysterious hockey man from the Great Frozen North.” So I said, “I love you, Esmerelda,” and then she left and the next time a nurse came by it was not her. Pretty sure she was overcome. Just totally floored.

6:34PM – Released, cab back to the Grand, the other guys were playing vids. Didn’t even ask where I’d been, just wanted to know if I was up for Round 2. I said no thanks and started looking for a flight home. Buddy said I was soft. Worried he might be right, but right now I really would like to see my mom.

8:30PM – Flight home booked for tomorrow morning. Staying in the room tonight. Room service sending up some soup and a tuna fish sandwich. Gonna order up something on the TV. Leaning toward The Iron Lady because Meryl Streep is awesome. Shut up.

Further Reading:

• “Cheap Throat: The Diary of a Locked-Out NHLer“. Read all the other entries here.
• “Complicit in the NHL’s Demise: How the NHL & its players hate hockey, and how the fan is at fault” by Mike Spry
• The Barnstormer’s Take Hockey Back fan protest event