The Barnstormer has secured the cooperation of a locked-out NHL player who has agreed to document each day he is kept out of action on the condition that we do not reveal his identity. Ever. Read all the daily diary entries of “Cheap Throat” here.
12:33PM — Train to Germany. Had to leave France after I nearly strangled a French person. Maybe it’s a Paris thing. Played with tons of French Canadians. They’re fine. They’re not France French. Not generalizing. Not all French people are pricks. Just the ones from France.
12:35PM — Don’t even get Dad started about French Canadians. Even though he was a big Lemieux fan and his favourite goalie is Marty Brodeur. But still a bad idea. Bad bad idea. I hate Marty Brodeur. Only goalie I can’t seem to score on, pretty much. Rattled a handful of the bars. But never crossed the line. Therefore, Marty Brodeur is a prick. Dad still talks about the save that saved Canada in Salt Lake. Yeah Dad. Kick save. We all saw it.
12:36PM — Mum is French Canadian. Dad made a few off-the-cuff comments pre-trial separation of 1997 that didn’t bode well for him. She called him racist. Dad said if French Canadian is a race then it’s a race to the bottom. I laughed when he said it. Then I remembered I’m half French Canadian.
12:45PM — Racism is like golf. If you’re in it to win it you’re not going to make any friends. But if you’re just out to hit some balls around with buds, and buds only, it can be a lot of fun. If you’re Italian and I call you a WOP, it means I’d take a bullet for you and trust you with my kids. If you’re Italian and I don’t know you that well, and you slash me or run me into the boards, I’ll just call you a fuckin’ prick and take your number down for next time we’re on the ice.
3:55PM — Slammed a Becks just cuz. So…Why Germany? Reason one – it was the first train out of Paris. Two: Feel like heckling some Flyers, namely Briere and Giroux and I hear Eric Jose Chouinard is there too as is Brett Fistering and they’re both about to get an earful. Will bring baseball heckling to new German heights.
3:56PM — Looks okay from the train. A bit like the Sault or Windsor.
7:55PM — Train pulling into the station. Berlin. Text Dad. He says not to take any shit from those Germans.
8:08PM — Took me 10 minutes to properly pronounce Haubtbanhof. Opened map on handy to see where the hotel is. This will not be easy. Street names are long like the alphabet is long. Hotel near a place called Unter der Linden. Hoping to see some sights from Bourne Ultimatum. So maybe that was reason 3 and maybe also reason 1.
8:55PM — Hotel. So far so good. Wi-Fi works. Bevvies in the fridge. Looks like there’s bars everywhere. Already seen some sights from Bourne Ultimatum from cab. Pretty cool. Will unwind for a bit then go for a walk. Take some night photos. Drink a German beer. They basically invented the stuff, right?
9:00PM — Wanna know a secret about players? We read what you write. We read the blogs. When you talk shit about a player he reads it. He’ll say he doesn’t but when you’re up in the middle of the night on a roader and you’re sitting on the tarmac or bussing to the hotel, it doesn’t take long to google yourself. So…before I go take in some of these sights, sit at a bar, maybe chat up a lady, or ride one of those cool looking streetcars, just wanna say on behalf of all us players who work really really hard all our life to follow our dream and have to move away from our families and lose our friends and always worry that we’ll get traded and worry if our wives or girlfriends will go with us when it happens and worry that the present injury will be the last and it will be all over….to all you bloggers and sports writers who think you know everything and write about us like we’re illiterate people who will never read….
That one’s from me and all the boys in the show.
Further NHL Lockout Reading:
- “Cheap Throat: The Diary of a Locked-Out NHLer“. Read all the other entries here.
- “A Fan’s Note: How to Fix the NHL” by Mike Spry
- “Complicit in the NHL’s Demise: How the NHL & its players hate hockey, and how the fan is at fault” by Mike Spry
- The Barnstormer’s Take Hockey Back fan protest event