The Barnstormer has secured the cooperation of a locked-out NHL player who has agreed to document each day he is kept out of action on the condition that we do not reveal his identity. Ever. Read all the daily diary entries of “Cheap Throat” here.
11:57AM — Okay, lost a day there. Two days? Not sure. Hit London pretty hard. Boddingtons beget Guinness beget Beefeater beget Absinthe beget a bed I don’t remember finding in a hotel I can’t recall checking into. Fuck it, I’m gonna assume I did London right.
12:04PM — Chills followed by sweats. Not, like, meat sweats, or hangover sweats. Weird sweats.
1:40PM — There’s an itinerary somewhere here that I should be checking because I know I have a flight to Montreal booked and then a car to rent so that I can take care of some business. Serious business. But holy goddamn fuckballs am I tired. Gonna sleep the afternoon away, then re-evaluate.
3:17PM — Awake briefly, just long enough to understand that taking care of this hammer issue may require radiation treatment. What happens if you cut a hole in the window of a microwave?
4:03PM — So fucking cold. Teeth chattering like crazy.
4:07PM — Somebody turn of the fucking heat. Like the Sahara in here. Like Baghdad. Sweating like a pig. Lying naked in the middle of the bathroom floor.
5:49PM — Can someone explain British TV to me? Like, make it make sense?
7:00PM — Could easily text Sonja and get her a ticket here and we could hide ourselves away in this hotel for the better part of a week and talk about the future. Could, that is, if I didn’t have a lockout to end. Which I will do, starting tomorrow. Cannot get my ass out of this comfy-ass bed. Like, for real. What are these sheets? Just outstanding. Soft as the fine hair just above an angel’s ass.
9:32PM — Chills again, then sweats, then chills. When we get back on the ice I swear to fucking god I am going to grind the head of a certain Mr. M into the ice and into the boards and it will be worth the supension for the things he has made me feel. Physical and otherwise.
10:19PM — Just re-booked for tomorrow afternoon on BA. Hit Montreal, spend the night, maybe revisit some haunts, then get up bright and early and head south, through Sandy’s path of destruction, to Manhattan.
11:07PM — So fucking cold.
Further NHL Lockout Reading:
- “Hockey Night in Ramallah” by Ian Orti. Diplomats smuggling hockey sticks, suitcases full of Canadian Tire balls, and a CBC News cameraman welding nets for league in Palestine.
- “Cheap Throat: The Diary of a Locked-Out NHLer“. Read all the other entries here.
- “A Fan’s Note: How to Fix the NHL” by Mike Spry
- “Complicit in the NHL’s Demise: How the NHL & its players hate hockey, and how the fan is at fault” by Mike Spry
- The Barnstormer’s Take Hockey Back fan protest event