The Barnstormer has secured the cooperation of a locked-out NHL player who has agreed to document each day he is kept out of action on the condition that we do not reveal his identity. Ever. Read all the daily diary entries of “Cheap Throat” here.

8:15AM — Turns out Latvia’s in Europe. I actually pictured it, in the map in my head where oceans are represented by waves and sea serpents, as being in South America which, now that I think about it, obviously it couldn’t be, because they have hockey in Latvia, but not in South America.

So, after learning it was in Europe, I now picture Latvia as looking like Transylvania. Gothic castles, villagers with pitchforks, dense forests, possibly vampires. Zero desire to play hockey there. I’ll just cut down on my pasta intake and keep my wits sharp with 2K12.

9:33AM — Would my iPhone even work in Europe?

11:45AM — There is NOTHING on TV in the middle of the day, plus my PVR is empty. Watched all the back episodes of Grimm and now I have nothing left. Now lying on the floor holding my iPhone above my head, which is making my arms crazy tired. Does this count as workout time?

1:30PM — Got a recorded message from Mr. Fehr asking for our continued support, and reminding us that we were doing the right thing. It was weird, though. At first I wasn’t sure it was a recording, so I said, “Hello, Mr. Fehr.” Then I figured it out. You ever have that happen?

3:33PM — Valerie Bertinelli was hot.

6:19PM — Trying to avoid pasta seriously cuts down on dinner options. Steak it is.

7:04PM — Totally forgot that the barbeque I bought in June never got put together. It’s still sitting in the box. Called the store where I bought it so they could send a guy over, but they were closed. Forgot it was Sunday. Can you boil a steak?

8:30PM — Fried steak sucks. Wasted that meat.

10:48PM — How am I tired? I have done a grand total of nothing today. Except that arm workout. Now in bed watching One Day at a Time on Netflix.

Oh, Valerie.

Further Reading:

• “Cheap Throat: The Diary of a Locked-Out NHLer“. Read all the other entries here.
• “Complicit in the NHL’s Demise: How the NHL & its players hate hockey, and how the fan is at fault” by Mike Spry
• The Barnstormer’s Take Hockey Back fan protest event