“Prblm w Michelle STOP +Intrpl STOP arrst attmpt made STOP mngd escape STOP Ptgl32 STOP GR2NDL1 STOP Mstwn4Ire v Sp STOP ItprobswCro STOP Dsprt STOP Hngry STOP fnds low STOP snd E’s.”

Editor’s Note:

We’ve spent the morning trying to decipher a telegram received from Orti today. Based on his method of communication we suspect he’s laying low. From what we can decipher, Portugal and Germany were victorious and there’s a must win for Ireland today. ‘ItprobswCro’ either means Italy will probably beat Croatia (a prediction) or Italy has had problems with Croatia (a fact). There have evidently been issues with the expense account and there’s been a possible run-in with Interpol. He either wants us to ship him ecstasy to Hungary or else the E stand for Euros. We’re going to hold off on both because we know he’s resilient. We sent his first paycheque to a bus station so we know he’ll get by.