Time for the CBC to Put Don Cherry to Bed (Redux)

For this week’s column I was poised to write a response to Don Cherry’s latest uninformed, naïve, and strangely jingoistic and insulated Coach’s Corner rant. I hadn’t seen the segment, having re-allocated the time once spent during the Hockey Night in Canada telecast watching Cherry to checking email, topping up adult beverages, and sketching out clever tweets for future use. But the Barn’s Andrew Forbes sent me a message last night imploring me to investigate the latest Cherry rant against common sense and easy logic. Video doesn’t seem to be around, but through the magic of social media, I got the gist of it here. I became immediately enraged and prepared to spout forth my fury when I realized that I had already written the column in October of 2011. There wasn’t much left to say. So instead of self-plagiarizing, we’re going to repost my op-ed that appeared on my own blog and Maisonneuve’s, though I’ll be adding, as per the Barn’s Ian Orti’s suggestion, commentary on my own commentary.

Hockey, and in particular the NHL, is at an interesting crossroads. After a nightmare off-season in which the sport’s flaws and failures were exposed, the coming season will be a watershed moment for Canada’s favourite activity outside of beer and weather discourse. With the NBA in a labour dispute the NHL has an opportunity to have the North American sporting scene to itself after the Super Bowl. And although hockey will never have ratings issues in Canada, the return of the Jets to Winnipeg and an improved Toronto Maple Leafs team should increase the sport’s national visibility to an all-time high. In consideration of this increased exposure it’s time the CBC took into account its responsibility as the rights-holder of the sport’s crown jewel, Hockey Night in Canada, and the crucial nature of the sport’s year, and fire Don Cherry and Ron MacLean.

[The nightmare got worse as we endured a 113-day lockout followed by the return of hockey with less scoring, more fights, and injuries galore. Only good thing about the lockout was Cherry’s absence and the fact he was not paid for its duration. Not that he needs any more money, but I’m sure the CBC was able to keep from firing 3-4 staffers with the savings.

And, okay, fire is now a redundant request, as the CBC’s contract with the NHL is set to expire after this, the 60th season of HNIC. Instead, Cherry’s and MacLean’s shtick will only expedite the property’s move to either TSN or Sportsnet.]

Don Cherry has been espousing closed-minded ignorant childish opinions on the CBC for nearly 30 years. For a long while, it was somewhat amusing in a nationalistic way. It would never be seen on an American network. For that matter, it would never be seen on any other network. Anywhere. “Coach’s Corner” is ultimately very Canadian. It’s a caricature of sports commentary, an homage to the self-deprecating and humble manner in which Canadians can laugh at themselves and each other. “Coach’s Corner” would be a hit on Saturday Night Live. It’s a parody. Near brilliant comedy. The segment has a one-camera setup, because early efforts to teach Cherry how to manage multiple cameras ultimately failed. Cherry quite often gets players names wrong, notably Jarome Iginla (Igilina, or Ingila), Roberto Luongo (Lulongo), as well as the surname of every player born east of Newfoundland and west of Victoria. His suits are a national punch line, and would make Liberace blush. He cheers for the Leafs and the Bruins, openly, and hates the Canadiens and most things Quebecois. He sings the praises of tough players, players equipped with grit and sandpaper, players who hit and fight, and after the game drink beer and bed women. He uses the pejorative “Redneck” as a positive. He hates “Pinkos” and “Commies” and the sissies on the Left. When he isn’t on TV, he’s at rinks in Mississauga and Pickering and Ajax watching midget and peewee games, which would be creepy if he wasn’t Don Cherry. During the summers he sits on his porch on Wolfe Island with a shotgun and a Molson Canadian. He’s a War of 1812 buff. He supports Rob Ford and Stephen Harper. He’s had a series of female Bull Terriers named Blue. He hates cats.

[All this still holds true, though PJ Stock’s suits are also now a national punch line, along with Stock’s grasp of the English language and his inexplicable employment. Also, why does Andi Petrillo require three wardrobe changes while HNIC’s men remain in the same suit throughout their Saturday?

Also, is Stock the Cherry in waiting? That should frighten all of us.]

His partner for the bulk of the 30 years has been Ron MacLean, who at some point was a sports journalist of sorts, who has deteriorated into and embraced the parodic nature of his role. He is Cherry’s straight man. Cheech to his Chong. Abbott to his Costello. Wayne to his Shuster. MacLean’s job is the simplest in pro sports broadcasting. He asks Cherry about, you know, stuff, and Cherry talks about it. Or yells about it, rather. Then MacLean makes a really bad pun, and the segment ends. The only exception being the segments where Cherry talks about fallen soldiers and policemen, and then cries a bit after calling them brave and beautiful. (Seriously. The fact that Lorne Michaels hasn’t pilfered “Coach’s Corner” as a running skit on SNL is beyond me.)

[I’ve changed my opinion slightly on this, as after listening to MacLean on Canada Reads, I’m convinced that his career is salvageable once outside of Cherry’s cancerous aura.]

MacLean should act as a voice of reason. He should be Cherry’s conscience. Our conscience. He should verbally slap Cherry across the face, knock him down a peg or eleven. Over the past few years, and notably since his very public contract dispute with the CBC, MacLean has developed quite the ego. Though he still facilitates Cherry’s insanity, he speaks with more of an air of arrogance than he did before. He refers to players and management by their nicknames and first names. He takes every opportunity to discuss his minor league refereeing.  He speaks of the game’s issues in absolutes. Worst of all, he has a frighteningly diverse knowledge of Canadian Indie rock bands, and is taken to quoting lyrics in intros. Actually, I correct myself. Worst of all MacLean enables Cherry. He is a walking talking bottle of scotch with a straw holding a loaded syringe next to an addict. He completes the parody to perfection.

[Maybe not. I’m pretty convincing here that MacLean is horrid.

Also, has anyone ever eaten at a Don Cherry’s? Is it good? Is it at all like The Tilted Kilt? Do they serve a misogyny platter? Does he hire ex-Leafs as bartenders? Like, does Rick Lanz work the Saturday shift at the Ajax location. I just assume there’s an Ajax location.]

Except it isn’t a parody. Padgett Powell, the brilliant American writer, once told a writing workshop I was in that a parody requires the author giving his audience permission to laugh. And the problem has become that “Coach’s Corner” is no longer amusing. The CBC has been complicit in allowing the segment to continue, in allowing Cherry and MacLean a pulpit from which to preach to the masses every Saturday night. And the sermons are racist, ignorant, ill-informed, baseless, self-serving, childish, offensive rants that have no place on television, let alone on the public broadcaster. If the CBC took the two off the air tomorrow, there would certainly be public outcry, but not lower ratings for Hockey Night in Canada. Hockey is our scotch and loaded syringe. It’s our addiction by birthright. And in its most important hour, intelligent, informed, and thoughtful opinion needs to be at the forefront of the discourse. The CBC is wasting the forum, and insulting us all the while.

[This is what has always confounded me; the argument that Cherry makes money for the CBC. It’s asinine. If Canadians will return to HNIC at record numbers after a lockout nearly kills the second season in a decade, surely they’ll watch HNIC without Grapes.]

The best argument in favour of the dismissal of Cherry and MacLean, is that it is hard to believe that any other broadcaster would hire them. There is no competition for their services. And if no one else wants them, why should the CBC? TSN and Sportsnet and their various properties, while certainly not perfect in their approach to covering hockey, have at least taken to hiring progressive and informed voices. Bob McKenzie, Jeff Blair, Stephen Brunt, Damien Cox, Elliotte Friedman, Dave Hodge, Bruce Arthur, James Duthie, Pierre McGuire, Gord Miller, and Michael Farber, just to name a few, are professionals. They are keenly aware of the sports flaws, as well as cognizant of its evolution. They’re not perfect. They’ve been complicit themselves in ignoring some the sports issues like concussions and drug abuse. But they’re not xenophobes. They’re not troglodytes. They’re not racists. They’re not idiots. They’re not Cherry and MacLean.

[I’ve removed Blair, Cox, and McGuire from the list. Not unlike Cherry, their shticks have become tired. Yes, Blair’s a curmudgeon, and Cox is a megalomaniac who respects his opinions far more than anyone else, and McGuire has taken his act to NBC, so, well, good riddance. Apropos of nothing, Pierre LeBrun sticks in my craw. Hockey media in general is lacking, which explains, in part, why Cherry continues to be employed.]

Last night on “Coach’s Corner” Cherry pushed his antiquated opinions too far. After the suicides this summer of NHL enforcers Derek Boogaard, Wade Belak, and Rick Rypien several former fighters bravely came out and spoke openly and honestly about their own struggles with the role, as well as their addictions and troubles with drugs and alcohol that they feel were brought on by having to literally fight for their dinners. It was an example of selfless and generous humility in the face of tragedy that should have been (and was by many outlets) celebrated and commended. But not by Cherry, and not by MacLean. Instead, Cherry berated the former players, called them out as it were:

“The ones that I am really disgusted with … are the bunch of pukes that fought before: Stu Grimson, Chris Nilan and Jim Thomson.”

“[They say] ‘Oh, the reason that they’re drinking, [taking] drugs and alcoholics is because they’re fighting.’ You turncoats, you hypocrites. If there’s one thing I’m not it’s a hypocrite. You guys were fighters, and now you don’t want guys to make the same living you did. You people that are against fighting, you should be ashamed of yourselves. You took advantage of that to make your point on fighting.” 

[Over the weekend Cherry said there’s no drugs in hockey, which is counter from his above admittance. But we don’t look to Cherry for consistency. He’s part clown, part monkey with a tambourine, part drunk uncle. We like to watch. Or we used to. It’s not funny at all anymore. It’s offensive. There are drugs in hockey, both performing enhancing and recreational. To believe otherwise is folly.]

Anyone who has struggled with addiction or depression, or witnessed those struggles first hand, knows how difficult it is to talk about it, let alone talk about it publicly. What Cherry did was make the discussion about him. He changed the focus. He is a child who had an on-air tantrum. And at a time when pugilism in hockey and its connection to serious mental issues need to be argued by the enlightened and informed, Cherry and his partner MacLean have retarded the progress of an important discussion. The CBC needs to be a responsible public broadcaster and remove “Coach’s Corner” from Hockey Night in Canada. This is a time for serious discourse on a troubled sport, and the children need to be sent from the room so the adults can talk.